WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Just days after his tearful 60 Minutes interview, a visibly upset House Minority Leader John Boehner today announced WikiLeaks has published details of his private Netflix account showing “Terms of Endearment” has still not shipped, despite him sending back “Something About Joey” nearly a month ago.
Surrounded by supportive colleagues, Boehner could barely speak as he haltingly discussed WikiLeaks release of sensitive material, and the heart-rending scene in which a dying Joey is given his brother’s trophy.
“WikiLeaks has made America vulnerable, just like cancer made Joey vulnerable, just like the goodbye scene in ‘Free Willy’ makes me vulnerable,” said Boehner, expected to take over as Speaker of a very emotional House in January. “When that kid… when he and the whale have to… to say goodbye… oh God give me a minute.”
After composing himself, the Ohio Republican vowed to crack down on WikiLeaks as soon as he sorted out his Netflix queue, which he described as a very important part of his life.
“I used to go to the movies. I can’t even go to theaters anymore. It’s the stories. ‘Sophie’s Choice.’ ‘Bambi.’ All these people chasing the American dream. Netflix brings those to me,” he sobbed, eventually burying his head into the shoulder of House Minority Whip Eric Cantor.
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